The trainer replies, «Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf, he’s BLIND!»

A man was wandering around a fairground[53] and he saw fortuneteller’s tent.[54] He had nothing to do, so he went in and sat down. «Ah…» said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. «I see you are the father of two children.» «Silly fortuneteller,» scoffed the man, «I’m the father of THREE children!» The woman grinned and said, «That’s what YOU think!»

A man says that he saw a ghost. So his friend asks him what the ghost said to him. «How can I understand,» replied the man, «what he said? I don’t know any dead languages.»

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

A photographer for a national magazine was invited to take pictures[55] of a great forest fire. «A small plane will wait for you to fly you over the fire,» said the editor. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough,[56] a small airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, «Let’s go!» The tense man was sitting in the pilot’s seat. So the plane rose up and soon they were in the air. But they were flying erratically. «Fly over the north side of the fire,» said the photographer, «And make several low-level passes.[57]» «Why?» asked the nervous pilot. «Because I want to take pictures!» yelled the photographer. «I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!» The pilot replied, «You mean you’re not the flight instructor?»

Little Johnny: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.

Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.

An Irishman, by the name of O’Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young girl showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn’t real.

The young girl returned it to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

«It was in honor of St. Patrick’s Day,» he smiled. «I gave you a sham rock.[58]»

A very well known doctor and extremely well known lawyer get into a car accident way out on a country road. The lawyer sustains no injuries[59] from the crash but notices that the doctor is injured. So he runs over to his car and helps the doctor out of the twisted wreckage and offers the doctor a drink out of his flask. The doctor happily accepts the drink and takes a big swig[60] of whatever alcohol was in the bottle. He hands it back to the lawyer who promptly puts it back in his pocket. «You’re not going to have a drink?» asks the doctor. The lawyer replies, «Yes, but I’ll wait till the police leave!»

A woman walks into a bank in London City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that’s parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest,[61] which comes to £15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says: «We are very happy to make this transaction.[62] But please tell us, why did you borrow £5,000?» «Well, where else in London City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen pounds?»